May 04, 2014

SUNDAY LOVE. #18. SHARING A BED WITH THESE TWO.


Living with your boyfriend isn't an easy change. Yes maybe if your a perfect human being which for the best part of the human race we aren't, you have to expect a bit of give and take. When I first decided to move in with John, I wasn't sure what to expect. Would it make or break us? I was in quite a dark period of my life, I would go as far in saying I became agoraphobic but we saw the opportunity and moved just down the road from my parents. Moving couldn't have been any easier, with Jess and Mr Arnold coming along for the year with me, I felt safe and confident that this was a good thing in the right direction.

Oh boy until you live with an other half that being John, as I am pretty sure it is secretly a fight with Jess and Arnie also being my other halves but just to clarify, it takes some getting used to. Living together has been tough. We have had to compromise, both being stubborn and always right has had its down falls! Getting used to each others company, unlike we had ever experienced before...yes girls do poo and yes boys do fart (ALOT), romance can tend to fly out the window.

I am sure John would say I am a clean freak and of course am right in saying John is a total messy pup but it is these things that really don't matter. They feel like they matter at the time but aren't worth the stress or arguing. For us it's all about compromise. Neither of us are perfect and you may think you know someone inside and out, just wait till you live together. Of course it is so much fun, can be a little frustrating at times but it also can be the best decision of your life. I am so happy at the moment, I finally feel settled. Everything seems to be slotting into place with my anxiety, John and I have found our own ground with what works for us without any stress, so overall life is good.

If your a regular reader of this blog you will know that Jess and I have just put down a deposit on a flat, meaning John and I won't be living together later this year. So has living together broken us? My answer is no. Although I am planning on living without John next year and for a few years to come, for us, it's not a big deal. Some people might see it as a step back but for me it's a step that is right for both of us. Before moving in together we decided that if things weren't to work out or we couldn't afford it that we would go our separate ways and do what was right for us. Not caring what anyone was to think or feel. I think this is why it is so important to not compare your relationship with anyone else's. We are all different with our own needs. Me moving into my own place with Jess and Arnie doesn't mean John and I are breaking up or saying that we don't enjoy living together, it's just we want to still go out and do all those things we have always wanted to do, just maybe not always with each other 247 and living with Jess is something I have only dreamt of doing. Our own flat, building our future. If we end up as two grannies still living together when we are 70 then hey, at least I can say I was happy.

Although this post wasn't really intended to be any sort of relationship advice, I just wanted to share a little bits of advice that have worked for John and I, which of course won't work for everyone but might help if living with a partner is something you are considering. I wish someone told me hehe!

Keep a laid back attitude. Boys will be boys and the men I have always known don't know how to turn on the washing machine or throw away their tea bags. It's trying to keep calm about bad habits and having that annoying conversation about the things that might make you frustrated or grumpy. Hopefully might cause one less argument in the future hehe. Ahhh just put the toilet seat down after you have peed!!

Try and not stress about the little things. Nagging has got to be one of the worst words used against women! Sometimes I find it's best to not expect John to have done something so when I come in from work and he is already doing the washing up, I feel really happy and less like I am a nagging old witch (as I was already thinking about texting him to do the washing up hehe!).

Make a special time for just you two. In the evenings have dinner together, watch a movie or just snuggle and chat about each others day. John and I have started watching a series together that we both enjoy. We watch an episode a night, which we both get excited about watching but also enjoy doing it together. Having things to look forward to is important. Especially when its something together.

Have time out. For me this is most important and now has become something that I really treasure. Making time for yourself is so important. You can't be with each other 24/7 (why would you want to hehe!). Spend some time apart, whilst I blog in my bedroom, John studies downstairs and then when we come to bed, it's lovely just snuggling down and being together. I have found this time really important for me, as I battle with my demons, I feel like I am finally becoming myself and although John is here for me always, it's something I have had to do for myself and on my own. A little bit of me time never goes a miss and it's OK to say you need some time out.

Surprise each other. This is something that we have only started doing recently and it really does make a difference. John went through a stage of leaving me notes on the stairs before he left for work, as I don't leave as early as him and they made me so happy in the mornings. Put a huge smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach. I like to cook a tasty surprise meal some nights or make a little flower posy for him at work and leave it in his study. Just silly things like that, which really take no time at all, make all the difference and keep the spark still alight!

So the rumours are true, boys fart, smell and leave their pants everywhere and yes, I can be a naggy so and so when I want to be but really who cares, as long as your happy and you live each other, things could be worse right??

Hugs & Kisses
Becki xox




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2 comments

  1. What a great post! Living with someone is so hard at times but when you learn a rhythm & get used to each other its all positive. Ive been living with my man (also called John) for 15 years now & couldn't imagine my home without him. Maybe I need a little dog too x
    http://www.letstalkbeauty.co.uk/

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    1. Yes you need a little sausage! I think its been tough but now I feel like we are making things work now, but its certainly taken a long time xx

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