June 01, 2014

SUNDAY LOVE. #22. GETTING CAUGHT UP.

This week, being a total trash bag at work- who ever said floristry is glamorous needs to come and work with me! I have never felt so tired and for the first time, I have actually struggled to keep up with the blogging world.

Last week, I had a pretty tough time after a few blog events up in London. I went there in high spirits, excited to learn all about the new products launching, by the time I left (well legged it out of there) I felt inadequate, lonely and overwhelmed. I am not one for judging honestly but as an anxious and sometimes quite shy person, I feel overwhelmed when I see a room full of gorgeous women with hundreds of followers and there is little old me not having a clue if I can even walk in. The blogging world can be so supportive and extremely inviting and honestly I wouldn't change it for the world being part of this community but after this event I just felt strange about the whole thing and extremely intimidated. I was judging myself. Did my make up look right? Was I wearing the right clothes? What will people think of me? When really I should be thinking who cares...I love myself for who I am. My confidence seemed to have diminished.

Once I got home, I felt so anxious. I just hid away in my bedroom, thinking what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe I felt intimated or inadequate for this big scary professional blogging world? I do feel so fortunate to be part of a great circle of London bloggers and the fact I am finally being recognised for my hard work and passion for beauty means I have the chance to be invited and experience this new side to blogging. However I think it takes alot of guts to be part of. Of course don't get me wrong I have met some beautiful people inside and out that have taken me under their wing and showed me the ropes but I do wonder is this for me? Its scary being in a room with some of your own fan girl bloggers. People who have become celebrities in their own right. I am just not sure if I could ever take on that personae.

I didn't end up writing a long arsed post about the whole Gossip Guru crap a few weeks ago but it does make you wonder why there is so much jealousy and why this then turns into rudeness. I'm not going to lie, I felt like people where judging me, thinking who is that? New gal on the block haha? I guess we are all competition but then I think competition for what? I blog because I love it and I hope this is they way it will always stay.

My passion for beauty is obvious. Everyone I meet or anyone that truly knows me, knows that I talk beauty 247. If I go shopping with my mum in the supermarket she will usually find me swanning off to the beauty isles even if its just to browse the latest shampoos. I know you can get wrapped up in being part of big events, launches, being at the top of the pr mail outs but since gaining an insight into the forever getting parcel crew, I am just not sure if it's for me. Who really gives a crap what's in a goody bag if you hate the product. If I love something I will bloody go out and buy it myself. I go to events to learn, enrich my knowledge and then hopefully create great content for my readers, as you are always my priority. I think for me, events and blogging outside the hidden dungeon of my bedroom, are something that I am only just getting used to and I feel very privileged to be attending them. As an anxious bean, I am meeting so many new friends and I am very grateful to the opportunities that have been given to me through blogging and hope I can keep up.

For me however, I need to stay true to myself and trust me it is very easy to get caught up in the latest thing or comparing myself to others. I am trying to step back a little and find myself again, as I do feel a little wrapped up in the blogging world. I want to connect with people again and get back to where I was before, feeling confident, loving myself again and being brave. I have come such a long way in the last months with my anxiety and finding my own ground within this rather intimidating and competitive world. I am getting there but it all has to start with me. Stick with me folks as I love you all and I hope that with me being honest, you will understand that the 'bloggers life' isn't always perfect or desirable.

I am sorry if this post was a little ranty or confusing. I just sometimes like to get things off my chest and I know someone out there will understand what I am feeling, were all human really. Let me know your thoughts or if I'm (fingers crossed) not the only one.

Hugs & Kisses,
Becki xox



SHARE:

10 comments

  1. What I think is this, you are doing a grand job and every single blogger has felt like that at some point. The first event I went to was F&F and I really didn't know anyone, I had met Emma that day at the train station and we scooted off to LONDON. I'd never been alone before, I knew nobody. The Pr asked me what blog I was from and I told her and she didn't have a clue but said 'Oh yeah I know it.' She never and nor did anyone else. Last year Emma was maid of honour at my wedding, I have been pals with Jazzabelle from Jazzabelle's a diary and Gem...who now works for Company Mag since that day. Sometimes gambles and beating that sicky feeling in your tummy pays off, being yourself pays off and being honest is something people will always remember. Don't give up, your voice counts just as much as the next bloggers xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you gem. This means alot to hear that your never alone and how wonderful that youve met a best friend through blogging xx

      Delete
  2. If it's any consolation, I have to totally brace myself to attend a launch- in fact, I go to very few now. I think every blogger has felt, or still feels, as you do, so however alone you feel with it, you really aren't. It's probably very helpful that you've blogged about it because I am sure others will relate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Im still so shocked that you commented on here jane and that you feel the same. Like all things I guess, they can be overwhelming xx

      Delete
  3. I was so sad to hear you felt down about attending an event ... I often get a similar feeling, once I was invited to one, got there & my name was not on the list (and they even told me to bring a friend so I nearly died of embarassment, when the hostess said she 'supposed she could let us in without an invite). Sometimes you just have to laugh it off though hun, don't dwell on these things! They invited you because they wanted you there and you're doing an amazing job with your blog - I love to stop by for a read! It's obvious you love posting and the products you're talking about, so if you're passionate about it, don't let anyone bring you down. I get really anxious myself and I know all the advice in the world won't make you feel better, but sometimes you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone & overcome things! You'll end up meeting some amazing people and find out about new brands and launches, which is so much fun for any beauty addict. :) I wish I lived in the UK so I could go to all these events with you hun, we'd have such a good time xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would love to meet you Ziva! You are such a wonderful blogger and hopefully we will meet in the future xx

      Delete
  4. I totally understand! Although I'm lucky (I guess!!) to be in Leeds with a much smaller, chilled out scene, I can imagine the pressure you're under at events.

    But know this: followers do not always translate to readers
    Readers are only important if they read, and it's YOUR content they come to read
    Ergo, there are hundreds of people out there that think you're brilliant, knowledgeable, creative (etc etc!). So long as you post interesting things, then your as worthy (if not more!) as any 'big' blogger.

    And as for judgement on looks, well...gals will be gals. Just got to work it, which you DO! ;)

    Keep on it! Xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG i wish I was in leeds, so many amazing bloggers! Thank you faith for always being here for me x

      Delete
  5. Becki I only just caught up with this blog post since I have a massive backlog. Sweetie, you went there so already achieved something! Love you lots, you're so brave and I am only sad I couldn't be there to support you. Believe me every blogger feels that way every once in a while - it is completely normal and natural. Miss you lots! XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, that is such a good way to think about it. Your always there and thank you for being here for me! Cant wait to see you soon xx

      Delete

© Life Looks Perfect.. All rights reserved.
Blogger Designs by pipdig