September 20, 2015

SUNDAY LOVE. #63. WHATS BEEN GOING ON. THE HONEST TRUTH.


So hello again dear friends, I'm back and LLP is back.

Honestly the last few months have been a whirl wind and through the surface, I have been slowly cracking and hiding what has really been going on. You probably are aware with the lack of posts and appearance on social media that something has been up and well I've been working straight for months.

I was never sure I wanted to share this online and especially on LLP where I knew people might read it that don't know this. For me, this blog has always been a platform to connect, share and form friendships where we can all support each other through whatever it may be we are going through in this unpredictable life so I want to tell you...
Back in June, my dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer. A complete smack in the face for all of us and especially the man who I always saw as indestructible. Not only was Jess my sister 6 months pregnant, we were about to launch a huge campaign with Harrods for our TDL fragrances and the summer was coming so my flowery hands were preparing for the prestigious Wimbledon and our big clients who always keep us on our toes. For my dad to get sick, this was the worst time for us as a family and knocked us all for six.


Being told your dad has cancer isn't easy. Mum was so brave for all of us and dad was so positive ready to kick this shit diseases arse! I kept it together so well but when I would go home my other half would see me burst into tears pretty much everyday. I hid how I felt to my family as I wanted to stay strong but deep down it killed me and still does now. I just never thought this could happen.


Luckily for my dad it was caught early at stage two. Even though we thought he would be OK, as the treatment went on- radiotherapy every day and two sets of strong chemo tablets every day for six weeks, we couldn't prepare for the symptoms, pain and trauma that it was going to leave on my dads body.


Seeing my dad cry was one of the toughest parts of all of this. I'll never forget when he was bed ridden, morphed up and just helpless and when both Jess, I and mum walked into his bedroom he just cried. Then of course all of us cried. Seeing my dad like this is unlike anything I have ever experienced.

I mean for 25 year old, I have been through way too much, lost way too many people and dealt with things my elders couldn't even comprehend but this was by far the toughest. You can't prepare yourself for cancer, it destroys you let alone what it has done to my dad.

For a proud man like himself, to now have to be bed ridden is horrific. People don't talk about the reality of cancer, what it literally is like living with it and caring for your loved ones. No one tells you what it's going to be like or even if they do, you think the doctors say your going to shit every 5 minutes, bleed with pain and probably not move for a month... I don't think so.


Although this may sound horrific to you and I've taken this post probably too far , I just want you to know, that I am here. Yes I'm a girl typing away at my computer and I probably can't physically help you but if anyone is going through this and trying to cope with someone close going through cancer, treatment or just you need support yourself, know I am here.

My life has been turned upside down and things have happened that I never predicted in a million years but we are all surviving it and I know my dad will survive this. Next step for him is maybe surgery but for now know he is alive and well the best he can be. We take each day as it comes and somehow it has brought us all together even more as a family.


Here's to Becki being back and please be gentle with me. Things aren't always a perfect picture.


Hugs & Kisses
Becki xox
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8 comments

  1. Aw I am sure your Dad is as proud of you as you are of him. Having had two friends with cancer it is a nasty vile disease and it can rip your soul out watching them suffer. Being there for him when he needs you to be will mean more than you will possibly ever know x

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    1. love you mrs and thank you for being here for me x

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  2. Love you wifey. Such a wonderfully written post and even though it hurts to read about how much you're all hurting, I am so proud of you all. Your dad is one tough cookie, and I know you get your resilience from both your mum and dad, as well as your grammy. I'm so excited to read your upcoming posts.xxx

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    1. Thank you wifey! I need to get you on blogging hehe xx

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  3. So sorry to hear this! I agree, you have no idea of the reality of living with and caring for someone who has cancer until it happens - it is absolutely brutal and one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. You're being so brave, well done! I know I don't know you 'in real life' but I have followed LLP near enough from the start and feel as though I do know you. I felt genuinely sick when I read that your dad has cancer. But at least he is still here with you and sounds like an absolute fighter. I'll be continuing to keep up with you through your blog and social media and wish you nothing but the very best!
    Love & thoughts are with you :)
    Rebecca
    Xx

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    1. Ah Rebecca, I am so thankful to have you here. Thank you for being part of my journey and saying such lovely things. xxx

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  4. Sorry to hear this :( I bet your Dad is so, so proud of you and your family for being so brave.
    Zoe xx

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    1. Thank you Zoe, he has been amazing x

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