November 18, 2015


It's pretty clear already that Autumn is getting to me. I always try my best to see the positives out of the dark nights and the cold weather but somehow my body and mind just doesn't agree with it. I had such amazing feedback from my last Sunday Love post about how positive I was feeling but posting it actually made me feel like a fake.

Truth is I wrote that post the week previously after the amazing weekend I had and honestly every word was how I felt at the time. However as it went live last Sunday, life couldn't have been more different. I had the shittest week and I just felt so down. I really did try to pull myself out of the mindset of feeling anxious or at least try to remember the positives out of my life but sometimes you just can't and it feels like a constant battle. What is so exhausting is the constant battle with myself and how mentally draining it can be. One week I am fine the next I'm back at rock bottom. 

Its no secret that life has been tougher with Dad being sick and without my right hand lady Jess, who is starting her new life as a mother but I am trying to take hold of my own  life and get motivated. However reading back last weeks post made me feel ashamed that I was further from my usual chirpy self, sat on the sofa all weekend, hugging a cup of tea, my new winter blanket and watching Netflix. I mean how cliche have I become.

Autumn isn't for everyone and I know this from experience. Yes we can all snuggle up around the fire and watch endless TV because its too cold to be outside but for me this is a dangerous time. It's so easy to fall back into not going out and not seeing my friends because life that way is comfortable for me. Anxiety comes back like a bitch at this time of year and SAD comes in when you least expect it. Luckily now I have the right support system around me but it still is difficult to just shake off. I have found it vital when I feel unstable like this to try and tell people what is going on. It's so easy for people to say oh just pull yourself together but thats so much easier said than done!

That's why I have decided to just let my body and mind do what it needs to do and if I want to stay in, then I need to at least throw myself into this blog. Staying at home means more time for writing and sharing my life with you guys oh and more time for the puppy... yes people wait till my Sunday Love post this week!! (or just head to instagram!)

Hugs & Kisses
Becki xox


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